he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
