now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
