Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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