I smell stomach acid.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
