After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
