I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
