Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
