apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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