she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
