I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
