I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize