Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
