These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
