Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
