Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
