End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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