I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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