so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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