So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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