I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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