she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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