my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
