Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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