i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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