If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
