would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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