I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
