He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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