I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
