Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
