is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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