I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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