I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
