apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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