I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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