I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
