my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
