i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
