So drunk its hurt
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
