The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
