Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
