why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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