tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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