its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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