You really coming over, don't trick.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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