HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
