I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
