Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
