I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
