you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
