I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
