she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Rumble strips road head = magical
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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