Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
