After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
