so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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