I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
