I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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