Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
