He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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