Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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