he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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