new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
