i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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