anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
