After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
