it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
