I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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