your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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