Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
